TL;DR: Bio
Author of Birthright, a best-selling science fiction series, and a former editor at The Good Men Project - where I earned a nomination from the Southern California Journalism Awards. As a thought leader featured on CNN, BBC, and in the documentary NEVERTHELESS, I have spent 20 years as working toward the future of gender inclusion and emotional intelligence - key themes in all of my writing. I've run with the bulls, am UNESCO certified as a trekker of pilgrimages, was a competitive dodgeball player and axe thrower, and I spent one weird day in Cirque du Soleil. I was born and raised in Texas, now live in Pittsburgh, PA.
I wanted to be a wizard when I grew up – which didn’t seem far-fetched seeing as both of my grandfathers were modern magicians. One grandfather was an engineer at NASA and the other was a tunnel-boring engineer who built massive structures under every major city in the US. As a boy in Texas (and still today), I gazed at the stars, watched rockets, and witnessed the advanced trigonometry that goes into building the invisible fundamental superstructures in society.
As an adult, I continue to strive for wizardry. I enjoy sunny cobblestone plazas, old libraries, sipping whiskeys, well-curated museums, mastering weird sports, basement brewing, futuristic sci-fi, fellowship fantasy, sailing, trekking ancient pilgrimages, pure hedonism, storytelling, argumentation and philosophy. I’ve also been a thought leader in gender equity and co-founded the Better Man Conference.
The ideas that have influenced me as a person:
The Renaissance Man: first developed as a method for living a balanced “courtly” life – to me it means being eternally curious, to try to live life fully (because it’s short).
Peripatetic Stoicism (of Marcus Aurelius and Michel de Montaigne): everything is connected, nothing is permanent, I make my own meaning, walking is part of thinking.
Existential Absurdism: There is no Meaning to existence, we either deal with this by suicide, religion, or acceptance of the absurd (Albert Camus). I choose the silly side.
Integrated Systems Thinking: I follow the mindset of Buckminster Fuller, who looked for ways to rebuild systems altogether by integrating seemingly disparate systems.
Origin Stories
Origin of my interest in building and launching big things
I was born in Houston, Texas. One grandfather was an engineer at NASA, the other was an uneducated but highly skilled boring engineer who built tunnels under every major city in the country. You may know that Elon Musk owns a space company and a boring/tunneling company now… I grew up with both of those as my early life. I got to watch rockets launch with my dad and his dad. I got to see advanced trigonometry and calculus put to use with hard hats and cranes with my mom’s dad. This is also where my interest in wizards comes from… because my grandfathers did magic.
Origin of travel
Although we were decidedly working class, my parents would pile me and my brother into a car and go on long road trips. We had seen 30+ states before we were teenagers – that’s tough to do from Texas! I loved watching my father pack the car like a puzzle.
Origin of inclusionary leadership and mentorship relationships
My parents both worked full time and odd hours as a nurse and an electrician, so I spent a lot of time with my grandparents and cousins (I am the oldest of 13). From an early age I was leading my peers, inventing activities and including different kinds of people into the team. I was also extremely comfortable with elders – especially my great grandmother. Both of these traits have carried me through my life. Leading peers, seeking mentors.
Origin of my anti-bullying
We moved up to Dallas when I was in pre-K. I changed schools at least every 2 years going forward. I was the smallest kid everywhere, so I got bullied a lot. In second grade I told my dad about it and he started taking me to Tae Kwon Do. He gave me a simple system to defend myself: 1. Tell the bully to stop, 2. Tell the teacher/coach, and finally 3. Punch the kid as hard as you can. Pretty soon I was punching bullies everywhere I went. I had friends who looked differently than me at an early age, and began fighting against racism as soon as I could talk. What is racism except systemic and cultural bullying?
Origin of the Renaissance Man, Stoicism, Leadership, and an International Lens
When I was in high school four things happened at the same time.
I stopped growing at 5’6”, and suddenly I could no longer count on baseball as my purpose in life. A teacher (Mrs. Roland) taught a lesson about the Renaissance, and one little paragraph in the textbook stood out to me: the Renaissance Man. I threw myself into that concept. I got into theater, leaned into my visual arts abilities, started programs at school and church, began learning video technology, and became a student leader. Suddenly I felt I had purpose… and I never looked back.
A friend slowly died from brain cancer. Watching him fade away, talking about the life he wanted to live - knowing he wouldn’t get to experience the world - that changed me. Michel de Montaigne, the French Renaissance philosopher who saved my life two years later, believed that to “philosophize is to learn how to die.” It was deeply sad to watch, but it was also oddly beautiful to have frank, curious conversations about death with him at the same time. I became familiar with the reality of death - to accept that nobody is entitled to any number of days, months, or years. This is a key tenet of Stoicism - the philosophy of Marcus Aurelius - that has become my go-to philosophy.
I needed another way to get a scholarship to college. I learned about a “leadership” scholarship at SMU. To qualify, I needed to have the word “president” on my resumé. So I ran for president of my class, lost, and then became VP of student body the next year. I attended a leadership summer camp (about inclusion). I talked the principal of my school into starting a leadership class (which I helped lead). I found out that actually, I’ve thought a lot about leadership my whole life. I got the scholarship, went to SMU, and eventually earned the university’s highest leadership award for students.
I participated in the Ulster Project, which is a peacekeeping program that brings Northern Irish teenagers to the US for a summer. These were the first people from outside the US that I had ever met, and it was mind opening. It led me to think about social change from a practical perspective.
Origin of intellectualism, living abroad, and social change in masculinity
In college, I met my lifelong advisor and fairy godmother (Dr. Kathleen Hugley-Cook) who helped me see myself as an intellectual, and who encouraged me to study abroad (Paris, and Cannes). I began working as a counselor for sexual assault survivors, where I learned about nonviolent communication, empathic listening, and respect. I founded LeaderShape DFW, ran the biggest charity fundraiser on campus, and I also started two programs about changing the social norms of masculinity. One of those earned me a national news interview – and attracted death threats which led me to question whether I was really ready to take on the responsibility of national leadership. Later I would run with the bulls as a test of my mettle with death directly.
Origin of comfort with world leaders
I moved to London right after college. I’d never been there before, but I just figured that if I was going to work a crappy entry-level job, it might as well be in an interesting place. Later I would reflect that I may have needed to run away from the fear of leadership. I finagled my way into an unpaid internship for a Member of Parliament at the House of Commons, and found a second job outfitting well-heeled world travelers for mountain adventures like summiting Everest or skiing in Switzerland. So during the day I was in rooms with Tony Blair, David Cameron, and Gordon Brown. Nights and weekends I was helping Prince William and Daniel Craig get ready for vacations in the Alps. I became quite comfortable with people of high privilege, power, and fame. I also realized that they weren’t really special… that the highest mountains are attainable for anyone who really wants them.
Origin of Walking
After London I walked the world (and ran with the bulls). From the West Highland Way in Scotland (100 miles), to the Loire Valley in France, to the Camino de Santiago in Spain (600 miles). During this walking I learned how to think in a completely new way. I found that my inner tranquility (to borrow Marcus Aurelius’s term) arrived within me somewhere along the journey. I learned that goal-setting is not about accomplishing the goal. It’s about generating momentum. This one experience has become a metaphor for everything in my life. I’ve walked several trails since, including the Inca Trail (Peru), the Kumano Kodo (Japan), Cinque Terre (Italy), and several parts of the Pacific Crest Trail (California).
Origin of comms expertise, watching the world crumble, and questioning billionaires
I basically got a PhD in corporate communications in three years. My first paid gig was at Ticketmaster. The company was in a unique position. It was the market leader in live entertainment, but it was only just spinning out from under a parent corporation to become its own independent company. I was hired at the same time as a super senior VP. Together the two of us built every bit of communications infrastructure at a $9bn company… from basic PR functions and executive communications to financial relations and rebranding. It was a crucible.
All of this happened during the 08-09 recession. At one point, I was with our C team at a NASDAQ conference in the Bear Stearns building the week of the crash. The lights went out during the conference because they couldn’t pay their bills. I realized then that nothing is set in stone – everything can change in an instant. This helped confirm to me the absurd meaninglessness of life.
I also had to sit in a room with the guy who inspired the Simpsons character Mr. Burns. It was extremely unfunny. I realized I was on the wrong team when, during an all-hands, he smiled as he told the company that layoffs were coming (while the company was still profitable and projecting profits for the next year). I basically left the big corporate world after that and have never gone back.
Origin of looking for integrated systems
I’ve spent the past 11 years starting companies and looking for my fit within startups. Some ups and downs along the way have led me to a career of building a bit of everything from product, marketing, sales, biz dev, brand, strategy and operations. I’ve learned through some trial and error what works and doesn’t work for companies from $50Mm down to $50K. On the side I got certified in wine, earned a master’s degree in sociology, wrote 10 books, led hundreds of leadership workshops, and started speaking publicly again at places like Unilever, Ancestry.com, TED, and Walgreens. I co-founded the Better Man Conference and have spoken about healthy masculinity and allyship on media like BBC and Huff Post Live.
How I view and define success
The goal is not the goal. I learned while walking a 1000 Km pilgrimage that a long term goal is useful as a motivator, but the good stuff happens along the journey. So I define success as consistent momentum. There is no mountain we can’t climb if we keep putting one step in front of the other. Sometimes you have to go around a mountain. Sometimes you walk down to go back up. Sometimes you need to take a rest.
That’s why I’m so interested in repeatable, sustainable processes. If we have one homerun project, that’s exhilarating (and often exhausting)! But unless it’s repeatable and sustainable, it probably won’t get us to where we need to be (without considerable trauma).
I also profoundly care about my team. I will go to incredible lengths to protect, care, and support my teammates. Great teams make great things. If we grow as a team, that is success.
I want to experience life at 100% capacity.
I want a deeply fulfilling, beautiful, loving, exciting, learned life. I want to have earned wisdom early in life, so I can put it to good use.
My whole life I’ve been told I have an “old soul” - but really it’s just a commitment to constant, joyful learning and a long perspective on creating the most interesting life I can possibly live.
One of the reasons I live this way is that life is short… a lesson I learned at age 16.
I watched a close friend die in high school from brain cancer. Watching him fade away, talking about the life he wanted to live - knowing he wouldn’t get to experience the world - that changed me. Michel de Montaigne, the French Renaissance philosopher who saved my life two years later, believed that to “philosophize is to learn how to die.”
It was deeply sad to watch my friend die, but it was oddly beautiful to have frank, curious conversations about death with him at the same time. He told me others were so sad and afraid of his death that they weren’t really talking to him like a person anymore.
I became familiar with the reality of death - to accept that nobody is entitled to any number of days, months, or years. This is a key tenet of Stoicism - the philosophy of Marcus Aurelius - one of history’s greatest polymaths. This thought process runs counter to the common way of thinking… which says to ignore or fear your eventual death, specialize to earn more, save your living for retirement, and follow the safe path to ensure you live long enough to enjoy it. That may be fine for some people, but it has never worked for me. I look for ways to weave together complementary skills, life designs, and opportunity paths… something exemplified by Buckminster Fuller’s concepts of synergetics and design thinking.
I’m a Certified Specialist of Wine, an ASA certified sailor, I’ve written 9 books (6 of which are published on Amazon), I’ve traveled around the world, run with the bulls, completed the Dual Pilgrim certification from UNESCO by trekking hundreds of miles, lived in Paris, London, and Los Angeles, have built a loving long term relationship, played competitive sports at the highest level, spoken on stages with legends like Gloria Steinem and Tony Porter, earned a master’s degree in sociology, co-founded multiple companies including a major conference, all while advancing a marketing and business development career with companies like Microsoft, Facebook, Southwest Airlines, Ticketmaster, and AirTreks. I was even in Cirque du Soleil for a day! There’s nothing in the world that can’t be learned or achieved if you are interested and can dream it.
Recent success stories
Microsoft - core messages and a culture strategy
A rising star CVP in the marketing arm of the Microsoft Cloud was tired of writing a new speech for every stage. I helped create a narrative strategy that shared her vision in her voice, “It all starts with Data” – which simplified all of her messaging and also allowed her to think and speak about the bigger picture. Her core message has become her calling card, and now finds its way into all of her communications both internally and externally.
This same leader had risen so quickly that she suddenly had a huge team and no idea how to deliberately build out a culture in a remote environment. Using my favorite leadership principle “people support what they help to create” – I led the creation of a volunteer tiger team called the Culture Crew, which built a Culture Hub, monthly programming, clarity about core values, and a thoughtful onboarding system called IADM University (I learned this system from my time at Southwest Airlines).
She has since been promoted twice (in 18 months) due to her “thriving culture” and “visionary message.”
AirTreks - new partner onboarding from 90 days to 48 hours
At first the CEO was frustrated that I wanted to spend an entire quarter deconstructing and reconstructing the onboarding process, instead of pounding the pavement for new leads and new sales. I had to get into the guts of the funnel to really listen to what our partners needed. I learned a mountain of information about safaris, luxury cruises, and high-end clientele. Then we reconstructed our entire partnership journey. Suddenly a company that was onboarding 1 or 2 clients per year, was onboarding 1 or 2 new clients per week. Our new partners loved the process. They started telling their friends in other travel associations. Pretty soon we had half of the safari companies on our platform – which represented about a 30% increase in annual net margin.
With the new process in place, we won an RFP for REI Adventures. I initiated that relationship and managed the RFP project from end to end including executive summary, slides, and technical materials. I set up the onboarding process, site visits, and integration plans. I negotiated the 5 year contract between the CEO and their leadership team. We estimated that this contract would have represented more than $1Mm in margin for us in 2020 alone. That’s roughly 100% margin growth YoY. Doubling profit.
Cuddlist.com - Key messages
At first the founder wanted me to just start calling reporters to get him booked. I pushed back. I told him we needed to work on his key messages for at least a month. That was frustrating for him at first. We found his best key message, and within the next month he was in 60 news outlets including the NY Times and Washington Post.
Ticketmaster - an immersive master class in Communications
This 9 billion dollar entertainment technology company was spinning out from its parent company and needed to stand up an entirely new communications department. I was 23 when they hired me and a single SVP. I learned how to create and run employee, investor, organizational, and external communications. I built websites, wrote press releases, managed 8K earnings calls, led analyst weekends, established media partnerships, coached executives from behind tv cameras, and established email systems for billions of sends. I soon managed the entire footer of a website that sold 140 million tickets annually.
That led to a rebranding gesture: “This is Ticketmaster” video. Which I led from end to end, including an entirely new narrative which Ticketmaster still uses to this day. That video won 5 Telly Awards and was valued at more than 2 million dollars of ad equivalence.
That led to building the entire mainstage keynote and coaching our CMO during his speech at the NASDAQ conference.
That led me to sitting in rooms with the C-suite during companywide calls, which I managed. After one call, Barry Diller and Irving Azoff were trying to figure out how to crush our biggest competitor… Live Nation. I raised my hand (they looked at me like I was an idiot) and asked, “Why don’t we just buy Live Nation?”
Nine months later Ticketmaster merged with Live Nation, Diller made a couple billion more dollars, Azoff made another 100 million, and I was “redundant.”
It was fine, because at age 25 I had learned everything there was to learn about communications and I was ready to help better people do more important things.